Whew, What a Ride it's been lately!

30 April, 2009

Hi! :)

Well, I wanted to write everyone, because I know I've not been very communicative lately, and I apologize for that. I'm okay, Christian's okay, everyone's okay... it's just that having surgery seems to have thrown everything familiar to me out completely out of orbit. I am still struggling for a sense of familiarity.

We are still waiting for the last of the results to come in, a strange phenomenon in that it's been weeks since my surgery. My days seem to bleed together without much accomplishments and I feel fuzzy a lot of the time. I'm not so sore anymore, I've healed to the point where I only feel my surgical incision when I touch it or when I move my neck in some precarious way. If you were to ask what exactly I've been up to I am unsure if I'd be able to answer that question as I seem to be in a bit of a fog.


Christian's dad moved to Gainesville and is likely responsible for 85% of my fogginess. He lives barely a block away and his presence is unnerving. I think the distance between us was one of health, and now that distance is no longer present to protect me. It's kind of a bummer, but still not the only reason that I feel so groggy, foggy, and lost. The other 15% I believe is due to my surgery....

The fog does seem to be lifting, of sorts, and every day I try a little harder to get back into the routine I had before. It feels forced though, and unnatural, and this bothers me. Can a surgery really change someone? If it has changed me I can only hope to be changed for the better, nonetheless I still feel a little lost and hazy.

I decided I needed a new job. Life is too short to be unhappy at work, and over the past few months the hostile and somewhat negative people I work with have dampened my spirits and my attitude toward patient care. I always said the day I stopped caring was the day I quit nursing, and this department is changing me into a person I don't want to be. So, it's on to another position, as soon as I find one in this uncomfortable economy.

I guess the good news is that there's only one way from here and that is UP. So I just take it a day at a time and do my best to keep up with the commitments that I am obliged to fill and put one foot in front of the other until I get where I need to be.

I do feel lost, though.

-Rachele-